Identity in Play

I've decided to write a series of posts about video games, because I think that it is a topic that holds an undue negative connotation.

My first introduction to computer games (or "video games" in a more general sense) was Ultima VII, a fantasy RPG created by Origin Systems and designed by Richard Garriott. We bought it when it came out in 1992.

Courtesy of Wikipedia.org

Fantasy settings usually involve magical medieval environments and RPG is short for Role-Playing Game, meaning the player pretends to be (one of) the main character(s). The player's job? You guessed it: save the world. Except that in the Ultima universe, you are the Avatar, a person summoned from your home world (our modern-day world) to the world of Britannia.

http://natu.txt-nifty.com/natsutan/img/ultima7.jpg

The game starts off as a murder mystery and takes the player once again through the world of Britannia as former friends join the party and the player must prevent evil forces from taking control of the world.

Identity

I consider gaming as a core part of my identity, much like an athlete would consider sports to be part of his or her identity. I realize that gaming does not substitute sports for physical activity, but it is a pastime for many people and provides a fictional outlet for stress, much like reading a novel. 

Unfortunately, video games have a very negative reputation in the United States and I believe that reputation is unfounded. Everyone experiences stress on a frequent basis and many of us try to reduce it through video games instead of TV, books or sports. Don't misunderstand me; reading and physical activity are healthy, but they don't reduce stress to the same level for everyone. For example, I feel a need to be actively engaged in an activity (which rules out TV) in a fictional setting in order to reduce the stress and frustrations of my day.

In addition, it is easy to lose a great part of oneself when parenting small children. Young children require a lot of time and care and their needs don't wait for commercials. I sometimes find it difficult not to resent losing my personal time to their constant demands. I love doing a lot of things in quiet on my own time, including learning and playing. I have lost a great deal of that time to raising children, but I find I am a happier mother and wife when I take some downtime on occasion to lose myself in a virtual world.

I don't know the origin, but this expresses part of my feelings regarding video gaming quite well:

http://i665.photobucket.com/albums/vv18/deoxy_adi/tumblr_m8cq02uPla1qd900fo1_1280.jpg

Many occupational or recreational possibilities (such as traveling) are greatly reduced once children are born. Even without children, our lives are too short to enjoy every opportunity available to us. I cannot be a pilot, a doctor, an architect, a software programmer, a zookeeper, a multilinguist, and a mother all in my lifetime. I don't have time to go out, save the world and earn a Nobel Peace Prize because my children need me here, teaching them, feeding them, playing with them, and tucking them in at night. In video games I can satiate some of my superhero desires while still being able to shut it off in time to read bedtime stories.

While writing this post I thought about many tangents that I would like to address such as:

• The relation between video games and violence
• A rebuttal to the insult "You play video games and live in your mother's basement"
• Why I feel a need to personally handle my children's education

I will address these in future posts, but I know that if I try to talk about everything that comes to mind, I will never post again. That is why it has been a year since I last wrote a post.

For today, I will summarize by saying every person has his or her preferred method of reducing stress. For me, it involves video games.

Next up: MMORPGs

Correlations between nutrition and child growth

A paper I wrote for a psychology class:
 

Correlations Between Nutrition and Child Growth:

A Guide for Parents and Caregivers

Annika Boudwin

American Public University

Abstract

            Nutrition and genetics both contribute to a child’s physical and intellectual growth.  However, whereas genetics cannot be influenced after conception, parents and caregivers can affect a child’s nutrition intake and encourage healthy eating habits in order to help a child achieve proper growth.  Proper nutrition and vitamins can deter malnutrition and obesity. Parents should maintain cheerful attitudes at mealtime and offer a variety of healthy food while encouraging their children to learn self-regulation rather than attempting to control what the child eats.

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Correlations Between Nutrition and Child Growth

Parents proudly show off their children to friends, often remarking on how well their children are growing.  However, when children do not seem to be growing well, it is easy to question one’s own ability as a parent, and whether the lack of growth is based on genetics or inadequate nutrition.  The child’s diet may be questioned by the doctor, but regardless of whether diet or genes are the underlying factor, it is important that all children partake of a healthy diet because nutrition can affect physical growth and cognitive ability. There are several ways in which parents can encourage healthy eating.

            First of all, a child’s growth is generally expressed in an up-over-down, in-over-out growth pattern.  The brain takes priority over the growth of the limbs, and growth of the organs and torso take priority over growth in the hands and feet (Parke & Gauvain, 2009).  This is why small children will have very large heads and large torsos coupled with relatively small arms and legs.  In addition, growth is generally determined by the bones which have epiphyses, or “growth centers,” one on each end of the long bones in a child’s body.  These epiphyses grow cartilage that, over time, is fused into the bone.  Once the cartilage of those epiphyses has disappeared, growth is complete.  Skeletal age is determined by x-raying the epiphyses (Berk, 2012, p. 163).  Sometimes children do not grow for a period of time and then they experience rapid growth over a short period of time, before which they tend to be hungrier and more tired (Berk, 2012).

            The first concern in providing proper nutrition to a child is whether to use formula or to breastfeed.  Generally speaking, breastfeeding is preferable over formula, particularly in developing countries.  “The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until 2 years, with solid foods added at 6 months” (Berk, 2012, p. 175).  Many babies are fed formula diluted with milk or water that is often unsanitary.  The lives of over a million infants could be saved if WHO’s recommendation was followed.  Breastmilk provides proper fat and protein, contains a baby’s necessary nutrients, immunizes the baby from many diseases, helps prevent tooth decay, and is more digestible than formula (Berk, 2012, p. 175).  Even the “U.S. Department of Health and Human Services advises exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months and inclusion of breast milk in the baby’s diet until at least 1 year” (Berk, 2012, p. 176).  Children who were breastfed are also less likely to be overweight and more likely to be leaner when they get older (Berk, 2012).  Nutrition is especially important during the first two years because their rate of growth in the brain and the body is very rapid.  “Pound for pound, an infant’s energy needs are at least twice those of an adult.”  A quarter of the calories consumed are used for growth and extra calories are needed to ensure proper organ development (Berk, 2012, p. 174).

            As the child gets older and starts growing teeth, it is important to maintain proper dental hygiene even before permanent teeth come in.  One of the reasons is that poor dental hygiene can cause tooth or mouth pain, which in turn can result in difficulty eating and “failure to thrive in young children” (Fitzsimons, Dwyer, Palmer & Boyd, 1998, p. 185).  Between-meal snacks that are more likely to cause tooth decay include frequent sipping of “juice, milk, soda, or any sweetened liquid” (Fitzsimons et al., 1998, p. 186).  In addition, “baby teeth can affect the health of permanent teeth,” increasing the importance of regular brushing and moderating sugary snacks (Berk, 2012, p. 290).

Growth rates and charts are frequently used to give parents an idea of how well their child is growing.  Generally speaking, babies are 50 percent taller and three times as heavy at one year as they were at birth.  At two years old, they are 75 percent taller and four times as heavy as at birth.  Children grow two to three inches taller and gain about five pounds each year on average (Berk, 2012).  There are two extremes that can negatively influence proper growth: malnutrition and obesity.

Malnutrition, especially coupled with disease, can cause severe and long-lasting consequences.  “Poor diet suppresses the body’s immune system, making children far more susceptible to disease” (Berk, 2012, p. 301).  However, disease also makes a detrimental contribution to physical and cognitive development.  It can prevent the body from absorbing food and inhibits appetite.  Diseases like diarrhea prevent proper growth and cognitive development and diarrhea alone kills two million children every year.  However, most of the detrimental effects caused by diarrhea, including death, can be prevented by using a cheap solution containing glucose, salt, and water to replace bodily fluids.  However, if malnutrition is persistent, it can result in stunted growth and hinder a child’s ability to cope with stress.  Malnutrition can also contribute to poor motor skills and inattention.  Additionally, early malnutrition can result in later obesity as the body has learned to slow its metabolism rate to accommodate poor nutrition (Berk, 2012). Thankfully, however, children can exhibit catch-up growth when malnutrition is not extreme. Whether from birth or due to lack of proper nutrition, children that are small for their size can catch up to their normal growth curve once proper nutrition is again provided. Nevertheless, timing is important and nutritional deficits before birth or early in a young child’s life are more difficult to correct than nutritional deficits when the child is older (Parke & Gauvain, 2009).

Compared to malnutrition, obesity does not seem to directly affect a child’s growth in height, but it certainly affects a child’s weight and consequently can cause social and emotional problems.  Obesity can also lead to diabetes, as well as kidney failure and circulatory issues (Berk, 2012).  A study of families with infants and toddlers found that “infants consumed 20 percent and toddlers 30 percent more calories than they needed.  At the same time, one-third ate no fruits or vegetables” (Berk, 2012, p. 176).  “Overweight children are more likely to eat larger quantities of high-calorie sugary and fatty foods,” which may be a result of their parents eating similar foods regularly (Berk, 2012, p. 418).  In addition, some parents may use food to comfort a child whenever the child is distressed.  

However, it may seem counterintuitive, but strictly regulating how much and how often a child eats, while stressing about weight gain can also contribute to obesity.  A strict schedule and parental pressure inhibits a child’s ability to learn how to recognize hunger cues and self-regulate eating.  Children at greater risk of obesity are also more likely to eat quickly and spend less time chewing.  Obesity is also associated with children who do not get enough sleep, possibly because fatigue contributes to lower activity or because children have more time to eat.  In addition, children who watch a lot of TV are at greater risk as well, because they also spend less time being active and they are exposed frequently to commercials featuring unhealthy foods (Berk, 2012).  To help prevent obesity, parents can reduce time in front of the TV, encourage regular physical activity, increase accessibility to fruits and vegetables, moderate fat intake and help children be aware of what they are consuming.  However, obesity could be a genetic issue as well as a nutritional issue, so it is better not to obsess about a child’s weight (Dacey, Travers & Fiore, 2009, p. 228).

Unfortunately, obesity is often a family disorder; overweight children tend to have overweight parents.  However, parents are often unwilling to either recognize that their children have a weight problem or to change their own eating and exercise habits in order to help their children.  On the other hand, children are more likely than adults to permanently recover from obesity, so early intervention is best.  One way to encourage activity is to reward a child with something like a ball-game ticket or zoo trip, where the reward also involves the outdoors instead of sweets (Berk, 2012).

Vitamins help to ensure that essential nutrients are provided to the body.  Some crucial vitamins include iron, calcium, zinc, vitamin A and vitamin C.  Iron helps prevent anemia, calcium ensures proper growth of the bones and teeth, zinc strengthens the immune system and brain, vitamin A strengthens the eyes, skin and several internal organs and vitamin C helps absorb iron and facilitates healing.  In addition, these vitamins “are the most common dietary deficiencies of the preschool years” (Berk, 2012, p. 300).  Lack of sufficient iron and folate can contribute to poorer mental ability (Berk, 2012).  In addition, there is evidence that a lack of iron, zinc and magnesium contribute to detrimental behavior and cognitive development in children (Briley & Roberts-Gray, 1990).

Some foods that are particularly healthy snacks for children include meat, fruit, vegetables, milk, legumes, bread, eggs and peanut butter.  Furthermore, children who do not drink milk are shorter and have less bone density than children who do drink milk. Some recommendations for helping children eat healthy involve having predictable meal times and multiple snacks throughout the day, serving the child small portions and allowing the child to have seconds, offering a variety of foods, and introducing new, healthy food frequently and early in a meal while maintaining patience if the child rejects it. It is also helpful to have pleasant mealtime conversations that include the child, avoid conflict during mealtime, and not restrict access to particular foods.  Children may simply need easier access to healthy food in order to be more healthy. Unfortunately, in some homes, snacks like chips are easier to find and eat than vegetables, cheese, fruit or peanut butter (Berk, 2012).  More possible snack alternatives could include cereal that isn’t very sweet, cheese, crackers, some cookies, fruit juice, low-fat chocolate milk, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, smoothies and fruit shakes made with skim milk (Dacey et al., 2009).  However, the American Dietetic Association reminds us that children have more taste buds on their tongues and cheeks than adults and so children do not need the extra salt or sugar that adults often want to use to flavor food (Briley & Roberts-Gray, 1999).

While eating is pleasurable and a central part of any person’s life, it should not be used to guide behavior whether as a reward or as a punishment (Briley & Roberts-Gray, 1999).  Children learn to prefer foods that are used a reward, while the foods they are rewarded for eating become more disliked (Johnson, 2002).  In fact, one study where children initially liked both apple and peach bars showed that the children started preferring the apple-bar cookies over the peach-bar cookies as the apple-bar cookies became less accessible.  Once the apple-bar cookies were accessible again, children ate more of them than they had earlier (Berk, 2012).

Parents should avoid confrontation where children’s eating habits are concerned.  Johnson (2002) asserts that “feeding practices that are power-assertive and focused on external adult control have been linked to maladaptive effects on children's self-regulation of energy intake.  Feeding environments in which children have little social contact with and encouragement from their care providers produce equally maladaptive outcomes.  Caregiver strategies that center on internal signals of hunger and satiety engender greater sensitivity to energy density of the diet and better self-regulation skills” (p. S93).  In addition, children have internal cues to help encourage them to consume more calories when needed (Johnson, 2002).

            During the second half of a child’s second year, children generally start exhibiting distaste for any new food that is introduced.  As a result, parental-child relationships often experience rising tension as parents attempt to pressure the child into eating the new food.  However, it is better for parents to introduce the new food frequently, without using heavy pressure to make the child eat it.  Children will generally eat new foods over time, after repeated exposure to the food (Johnson, 2002). In addition, child caregivers are encouraged to offer, but not force, children to taste foods that are offered to them (Briley & Roberts-Gray, 1999).

In spite of all this, it is essential for parents to understand that much of a child’s growth is determined by genetic influences rather than nutrition. In fact, research suggests that two-thirds of a child’s growth is determined by genes rather than the environment. For example, an adopted child is more likely to show growth resembling his or her biological parents instead of his or her adopted parents. Identical twins reared apart are also likely to resemble each other instead of their adoptive families (Parke & Gauvain, 2009).

Discussion

Genetics play more of a role than the environment in determining a child’s growth (Parke & Gauvain, 2009).  However, it is the responsibility of caregivers and parents to ensure that genetics is not hindered by a lack of essential nutrients.  Children require calories and essential nutrients in order to achieve ideal growth and mental capacities.

Infants should be breastfed when feasible, particularly in developing countries.  Frequent feedings are necessary because the baby’s body processes breast milk quickly (Berk, 2012).  As they get older, children should be offered a variety of healthy foods from the primary food groups frequently throughout the day.  Young children may suddenly start avoiding new foods, but that does not mean that parents should not keep offering the food to the child.  The child may opt not to eat the food offered, but caregivers and parents should avoid pressuring the child and instead offer the same food regularly at the beginning of meals.  Mealtimes should be coordinated between family members and be pleasant and unhurried, allowing the child to eat slowly.  Making mealtime an enjoyable, social event encourages the child to not eat quickly and to not view family meals as unpleasant. However, when parents or other caregivers use meals to pressure a child to eat particular foods, then the child is more likely to develop an aversion to the food and to dislike mealtime in general.  As the child is offered a variety of healthy food to eat, he or she should be served small portions and given control over how much and which food to eat, because a child that is able to self-regulate calories generally has a body that knows best what it needs (Berk, 2012; Briley & Roberts-Gray, 1999; Johnson, 2012).

Calcium in milk is important to proper bone growth, which in turn affects a child’s height.  Teeth, whether baby teeth or adult teeth, should be properly cared for to avoid oral pain that can inhibit healthy eating (Berk, 2012; Fitzsimons et al., 1998).  Vitamin supplements are helpful in ensuring a child receives adequate nutrition.  Unhealthy foods should not be used as rewards and given greater desirability over healthier foods (Fitzsimons et al., 1998; Johnson, 2002).  Healthy foods should be just as accessible as unhealthy snacks, possibly cut up and placed in small serving-size-portioned containers for easier retrieval and portability.

If a child does experience malnutrition, it is possible for the child to catch up to genetically-determined growth once proper nutrition is again available.  In cases of severe malnutrition, such as persistent diarrhea, caregivers can use medicine to provide a child with crucial fluids needed to replace the fluid being lost.  If malnutrition persists, the child may experience growth stunts or impaired intellectual capacity. Even mild malnutrition can cause behavioral or cognitive problems (Berk, 2012).

On the flip side, parents and caregivers should be cautious of obesity.  Obesity can be caused by genetics, but it is also advisable for parents to watch their own diet because children generally follow the eating and exercise habits of their parents.  Using the same recommendations already given for healthy eating can help with obesity. However, given that obesity can simply be a genetic issue, parents and caregivers should avoid focusing on the obesity itself (Berk, 2012; Dacey et al., 2009). Parents and caregivers should follow the same guidelines whether their children are overweight or not: encourage activity, offer a variety of healthy foods, make mealtimes a pleasant, social activity and do not obsess about the child’s weight or overregulate what the child eats.  Parents and caregivers should set an example of activity and healthy eating.

Even though it is clear that children should eat healthy foods to achieve optimal growth and health, it is unwise for caregivers to strictly regulate when and how much the child eats.  Offer healthy foods in a pleasant atmosphere and keep offering the same foods even when the child does not eat them (Berk, 2012, Briley & Roberts-Gray, 1999; Johnson, 2012). Be an example to the child in eating healthy and seek out opportunities in which to serve healthy food in a variety of ways, given that “variety is the spice of life,” and few people like to eat the same thing every day.  Let the child understand that his or her input on food is valued and help the child learn self-regulation rather than simply obeying commands.  Finally, one of the best ways a parent or caregiver can help a child grow properly is to be a role model in healthy habits.

References

Berk, L. E. (2009). Child development (8^th ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

Berk, L. E. (2012). Infants and children: prenatal through middle childhood (7^th ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

Briley, M. E., & Roberts-Gray, C. (1999). Position of the american dietetic association: Nutrition standards for child-care programs. American Dietetic Association.Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 99(8), 981-8. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/218452080?accountid=8289

Dacey, J. S., Travers, J. F., & Fiore, L. B. (2009). Human development across the lifespan (7^th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

Fitzsimons, D., Dwyer, J. T., Palmer, C., & Boyd, L. D. (1998). Nutrition and oral health guidelines for pregnant women, infants, and children. American Dietetic Association.Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 98(2), 182-6, 189; quiz 187-8. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/218396541?accountid=8289

Johnson, S. L. (2002). Children's food acceptance patterns: The interface of ontogeny and nutrition needs. Nutrition Reviews, 60(5), S91-4. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/212311822?accountid=8289

Parke, R. D., & Gauvain, M. (2009). Child psychology: a contemporary viewpoint (7th ed.). United States: McGraw-Hill.

Attachment Behavior: The Causes and Manifestations of Secure and Insecure Attachments

Attachment Behavior: The Causes and Manifestations of Secure and Insecure Attachments

In an effort to evaluate the relationship between infants and caregivers, researchers developed a laboratory method termed the “Strange Situation.” Using the Strange Situation, infants are introduced to strangers, separated from caregivers and reunited with caregivers. Infants were then classified into different attachment categories depending on their reactions to the strangers and to their caregivers (Berk, 2012, p. 266).

The term “attachment” refers to the intimate relationships between individuals and relationship partners. However, sometimes support by a relationship partner is unavailable or unsympathetic when needed. This can cause individual to start experiencing emotional troubles and self-doubt and develop attachment anxiety (Mikulincer, Shaver, Sapir-Lavid, & Avihou-Kanza, 2009, p. 615). In an appropriate relationship between mother and infant, the infant can rely on the mother for feelings of security. The infant then feels safe to explore the environment as long as the mother is nearby (Cicchetti, Rogosch & Toth, 2006, p. 624). The way a parent chooses to spend time with a child is less applicable in terms of attachment than general responsiveness and availability. Attachment can be predicted to a degree before the child is even born and attachment is evidently more a result of behavior than genetics (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 66).

In the Strange Situation, securely attached children may display some distress when the parent leaves and they exhibit positive reactions upon his or her return. When distressed, a secure child looks for comfort from the parent and is easily soothed by the parent. Secure children also expect caregivers to be responsive (Berk, 2012, p. 266).

There are three aspects that make up a secure attachment between an individual and a relationship partner: “(a) If one encounters an obstacle and/or becomes distressed, one can approach a relationship partner for help; (b) this partner will be available and supportive when one asks for support; and (c) one will experience relief and comfort as a result of proximity to this person” (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 615). Individuals who are securely attached can rely on receiving support from partners when they need it. They do not need to use defense mechanisms that can hurt themselves or their relationships with partners. They are optimistic about the reactions of partners, do not worry about being treated negatively, and are able to be open about intimate issues. Relationship partners in securely attached relationships enforce the idea that individuals are worthy of time and attention (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 616). Securely attached individuals cope more easily with stress and are more likely to look for alternatives to problems rather than focus only on possible negative results. These individuals are also more likely to notice positive behaviors about others and are more likely to forgive occasional errant behavior (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 631).

Sensitive parental responsiveness includes prompt response to a child’s distress and also being generally open to the attentions of the infant (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 66). Mothers of infants who are securely attached are also more likely to be sensitive to their children during play (Fuertes, Lopes-dos-Santos, Beeghly, & Tronick, 2009, p. 328). In addition, secure children are better able to interact with peers (Fagot, 1997, p. 490). It is possible that children who are securely attached will approach strange peers differently than children who did not develop a secure attachment and thus receive a more positive response. Secure children are also seen as less dependent. They are more likely to make friends and participate longer in group activities (Fagot, 1997, p. 497).

Unlike securely attached children, children who are described as having an avoidant attachment generally treat the parent and the stranger in the same fashion as seen in the Strange Situation. They do not display positive reactions when the mother returns and they are not likely to cling (Berk, 2012, p. 267). Infants with avoidant attachments not only treat caregivers with no more warmth than a stranger, but also initially avoid them at a time of reunion (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 66). Research has shown that mothers of these infants do not provide a comforting touch, are often angry, and intrude upon the infant without regard for the infant’s need. These infants have learned to manage their distress by not displaying it and instead focusing on nearby objects, though they may remain anxious. They also stay away from anything that may heighten their distress, since they understand that a comforting touch will not be available to them to lessen that distress (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 67). Insecure-avoidant infants are more likely to close their eyes, mouth objects or look away from their mothers while their mothers are associating with them. Mothers of infants who are classified as having avoidant attachments are more likely to display controlling behavior during play (Fuertes et al., 2009, p. 328). Avoidant children may also learn to withdraw as a result of being over stimulated at inappropriate times (Berk, 2012, p. 270).

When assessing the ability of children to overcome obstacles, Fagot (1997) observed that children with avoidant personalities “had fewer object struggles than did secure children.” In addition, girls with avoidant personalities have more trouble with classmates than girls with secure attachments. Avoidant children are more likely to use avoidance or act defensively in their interactions with others. However, even though avoidant children may remain withdrawn and struggle with personal relationships, they may still develop the ability to give favorable public presentations (p. 490).

Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is a condition given to those with avoidant attachments. People who are diagnosed with AvPD are more anxious about negative responses from others and experience lower levels of self-esteem. AvPD is closely related to social phobia (SP) (Eggum, Eisenberg, Spinrad, Valiente, Edwards, Kupfer, & Reiser, 2009, p. 815). Children with stronger behavioral inhibitions may be more likely to exhibit AvPD, because they are less likely to participate in novel activities (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 816). AvPD and SP are both related to negative emotionality, and fearfulness may be a cause of avoidant behavior. Depression and anger are also related to AvPD and SP, though it is unclear whether they are causes or results (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 819). In addition to low feelings of self-worth, AvPD has also been linked to strong feelings of pessimism (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 820). Individuals seeking emotional treatment, such as those with AvPD, usually reported being abused (whether physically or emotionally) and/or neglected during childhood. Avoidant individuals are also likely to have a combination of genetics and childhood environment that encouraged the disorder (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 832). Aspects related to shyness can be due to avoidant withdrawal, but they can also be the result of temperament (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 833).

People who develop avoidant attachment distrust the motives of their closest acquaintances and end up distancing themselves as a result (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 616). In addition, individuals who experience avoidant attachment are likely to extend their feelings of avoidance to their spouses, resulting in less marital commitment and more cases of infidelity. They have already learned to rely only upon themselves, thereby avoiding feelings of dependence on a partner that a healthy marriage requires (DeWall, Lambert, Slotter, Pond, Deckman, Finkel, Luchies, & Fincham, 2011, p. 1304). People with avoidant attachment display more positive attitudes about infidelity and also pay attention to attractive alternatives (DeWall et al., 2011, p. 1313). However, they do not seem to commit infidelity in order to hurt a partner. They simply seem to lack the inhibition that people with secure attachments are more likely to have and follow in order to stay in happy relationships (DeWall et al., 2011, p. 1314).

Another form of attachment is resistant attachment. When describing resistant attachment as it relates to the Strange Situation, Berk (2012) asserts that resistant children do not feel safe leaving their mothers and may not be easily calmed. They often show angry, aggressive behavior (p. 267). Resistant children generally have unresponsive caregivers (Berk, 2012, p. 270). These infants also are more likely to displays behaviors such as crying, pushing or turning away while being held by their mothers. Mothers of infants who display resistant attachment are more likely to be unresponsive to their infants during play (Fuertes et al., 2009, p. 328). These mothers are also more likely to have lower levels of education (Fuertes et al., 2009, p. 327).

In evaluation resistant children in social settings, it is evident they are less likely to be approached by peers. They are also more likely to use coercive methods and may try to draw attention to themselves through clowning around or tattle telling. They are also less able than secure children to maintain relationships (Fagot, 1997, p. 490). Positive gestures from resistant and avoidant children are more likely to be met with negative gestures from other children. However, children of avoidant and resistant personalities will have different methods of interacting with peers (Fagot, 1997, p. 495). When Fagot evaluated the association between children and their peers, he learned that securely attached and insecurely attached children, even though their gestures may be similar, are likely to receive different responses from peers (Fagot, 1997, p. 495). However, secure attachment does not guarantee positive relationships with peers (Fagot, 1997, p. 496).

The last method of attachment listed by Berk (2012) in regards to the Strange Situation is disorganized/disoriented attachment. It is characterized by infants who “show confused, contradictory behaviors—for example, looking away while the parent is holding them or approaching the parent with flat, depressed emotion. Most display a dazed facial expression, and a few cry out unexpectedly after having calmed down or display odd, frozen postures” (p. 267). Disorganized attachment refers to attachment behavior where the behavior of the parent is unpredictable (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 67). Children who develop disorganized-disoriented attachments are likely to have caregivers who developed insecure attachments as children themselves with their own caregivers (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 625).

Aggressive behavior has been linked to disorganized attachment. Aggressive behavior is divided into two different categories: “oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and conduct disorder (CD).” ODD is generally a prerequisite to CD and often will be witnessed in children first. ODD includes behaviors of disobedience, backtalk and tantrums. CD includes behaviors such as arson, fighting and stealing (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 64). Children with aggressive temperaments are likely to raise their own children the same way they had been raised, often involving coercive behavior. Mothers of aggressive children are more likely to blame their children’s personalities for behavioral problems and less likely to recognize the problems in their own behavior (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 65). Both boys and girls with mothers who are hostile are more likely to exhibit aggressive behavior. Their mothers often do not live with a partner. Children with disorganized attachment patterns are likely to exhibit helpless or depressed behavior. (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 67). Unlike securely attached children who are surprised when caregivers are unresponsive, insecurely attached children (including those with disorganized attachments) do not even recognize a difference between responsive and unresponsive caregivers (Berk, 2012, p. 266).

Children with disorganized attachment are also likely to experience continued high levels of stress after being assessed, whereas avoidant children had intermediate levels of stress and secure children were relatively relaxed after assessment. In evaluating the parents of disorganized children, it is seen that over sixty percent of children of adolescent mothers have shown “disorganized attachment patterns” (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 68). It is likely that a child develops a disorganized attachment after failing in trying to establish a predictable relationship with his or her caregiver (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 69). Mothers of infants with disorganized attachment are also less likely to have a positive perspective regarding their infants’ temperaments (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 70) and children with disorganized attachment are likely to have been maltreated (Berk, 2012, p. 270).

About fifteen percent of disorganized infants come from middle-class two-parent families. However, in cases where mothers have depression, drink alcohol or are adolescent, the number of children with disorganized attachment climbs to over eighty percent. On the other hand, infants with physical disabilities are not more likely to attain a disorganized attachment pattern (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 67).

Concerning insecure people in general, babies who are unable to form an intimate bond with an adult develop emotional problems. They are also less able to interpret facial expressions (Berk, 2012, p. 269). Insecure infants are likely to be held less affectionately and to be treated with resentment. Difficult babies and preterm babies with depressed mothers are more likely to develop insecure attachments (Berk, 2012, p. 271). Less-secure individuals are more likely to misunderstand caring behavior by partners and are more likely to magnify their own need, resulting in greater distress. They also see and dream about people needing support and relief from distress, but unable to find it (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 631).

Proper care giving for a child involves providing for the child’s physical, emotional and educational needs. Children who are maltreated generally experience physical or emotional abuse (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 627). They are likely to develop mental and physical issues as they grow older. For this reason, it is important to intervene in cases where children have been maltreated (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 624). Therapists have been able to help mothers differentiate between their own childhood experiences from those the mothers have with their children. Therapists also helped mothers develop empathy with their infants (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 630). Mothers who had maltreated children are more likely to have experienced abuse and neglect in their own childhoods and are more likely to still be angry with their own mothers (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 635).

Two methods of intervention for maltreated infants dramatically increased the number of infants who were securely attached and greatly reduced the number of infants who experienced disorganized attachment (Cicchetti et al., 2006, pp. 638-639). The first method involved training the mother in child development, parenting, stress management and seeking out social support. The second method changed how negative mother-child models affected current relationships (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 625). Mothers with maltreated infants have less available family support and feel less competent as a parent. They also expressed ignorance in knowing how to raise a child (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 642). On the other hand, “infants who have been maltreated are highly likely to maintain disorganized/dis-oriented attachments in the absence of intensive efforts to improve the mother–child relationship and parenting” (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 644).

The study yielded positive results in the knowledge that mother-child relationships can be greatly improved. On the other hand, the study also displays sobering evidence that children with disorganized attachments are at great risk of maladaptive development if intervention does not occur (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 645). However, successful intervention likely relies on knowledgeable, experienced therapists (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 644).

Overall, secure attachments are more likely to persist than insecure attachments. In some cultures where mothers are quick to respond to the needs of the infant, avoidant attachment is nonexistent (Berk, 2012, p. 268). These studies explain the definitions and causes of various forms of attachment as well as outlining the benefits of secure attachment and difficulties of insecure attachments.

References

Berk, L. E. (2012). Infants and Children: Prenatal through middle childhood. (7^th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Cicchetti, D., Rogosch, F. A., & Toth, S. L. (2006). Fostering secure attachment in infants in maltreating families through preventive interventions. Development and Psychopathology, 18(3), 623-49. http://search.proquest.com/docview/201698289?accountid=8289

DeWall, C. N., Lambert, N. M., Slotter, E. B., Pond, R. S., Deckman, T., Finkel, E. J., Luchies, L. B., & Fincham, F. D. (2011). So far away from ones partner, yet so close to romantic alternatives: Avoidant attachment, interest in alternatives, and infidelity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101(6), 1302-1316. doi:10.1037/a0025497

Eggum, N. D., Eisenberg, N., Spinrad, T. L., Valiente, C., Edwards, A., Kupfer, A. S., & Reiser, M. (2009). Predictors of withdrawal: Possible precursors of avoidant personality disorder. Development and Psychopathology, 21(3), 815-38. doi:10.1017/S0954579409000443

Fagot, B. I. (1997). Attachment, parenting, and peer interactions of toddler children. Developmental Psychology, 33(3), 489-499. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.33.3.489

Fuertes, M., Lopes-dos-Santos, P., Beeghly, M., & Tronick, E. (2009). Infant coping and maternal interactive behavior predict attachment in a portuguese sample of healthy preterm infants. European Psychologist, 14(4), 320-331. doi:10.1027/1016-9040.14.4.320

Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P. R., Sapir-Lavid, Y., & Avihou-Kanza, N. (2009). What’s inside the minds of securely and insecurely attached people? The secure-base script and its associations with attachment-style dimensions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(4), 615-633. doi:10.1037/a0015649

Lyons-Ruth, K. (1996). Attachment relationships among children with aggressive behavior problems: The role of disorganized early attachment patterns. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(1), 64-73. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.64.1.64

Natural reactions as a parent

When our first son was born, my husband and I struggled with the idea of letting our child "cry it out." When he came home from the hospital, it was impossible for him to sleep at night. Looking back, I realize it may have been due to over-stimulation (too much noise and too many people) during the day, but whatever the reason, we ended up holding him much of the day and night simply so he would sleep.

There are some things that may come naturally to us, such as anger and the desire to hurt someone, which we must resist. However, there are other things (call it "instinct"), especially with parenting, that I think we do not give enough value. For example, consider the following list:

- Feeling apprehensive and a little sad as we drop our child off at school or with a babysitter


- Being unable to focus on anything around us when our child is crying


- Feeling pride and accomplishment as our child proudly shows off a new ability or piece of knowledge


- Wanting to hold and comfort our child when he or she is sad or hurt (i.e. distressed)


- The desire to brag about our child to others

- Feeling like no child can possibly be as good-looking/accomplished/well-behaved as our child


- Wanting to help our child achieve as much as possible


- The desire to smack anyone who hurts our child


- Feeling depressed and desiring to help when we hear about or witness another child who is suffering

We often hear (and even want) our children to "figure it out," or "learn to be independent." While independence certainly has its place, confidence and independence will come naturally as parents provide the support children need.

We also talk about independence when referring to women. Unfortunately, in today's society, "mother" is seen as no better than "servant," with the idea that those who can't do, have children. The role of "housewife" is a last resort and if you're a housewife, you must be unskilled; unable to achieve success in the professional world. At least, that is the perception.

As a side note, many women put off marriage as a result of this concept that school, work, professional success should come first. Once they decide they really do want to "chain" themselves with a spouse, they are of an age where it is often too late. They have lost a lot of their physical attraction, sometimes along with their ability and energy to bear and raise children. There is a great book on this idea called "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," by Lori Gottlieb, I'd highly recommend; not only for single women, but for married women as well. As a married woman, you come to better appreciate who you married.

First, let me just say that children and a happy family can be more rewarding than anything else that you can do. I realize this blog is about independence outside of motherhood, and it is important to still be your own person with talents you can expand, but I also realize that nothing is as important to me as my family, including my children.

Secondly, I strongly believe that the feelings we experience with our children should not be taken lightly. There is a reason we (as mothers) cannot hear anything else when our children cry. There is a reason why we hesitate to leave them with someone outside of the family. There is a reason why we want to run to them and comfort them when they are distressed (though yes, sometimes we also want to go stark-raving mad). You know, like the whole idea of "I can complain about my children, but if you dare say anything negative about them, I will punch your lights out"?

That being said, I felt quite vindicated as I wrote a literature review for my psychology class on infant and toddler development on attachment theory. It became quite evident that a child needs a secure attachment to a parent in order to become a well-adjusted individual. To develop a secure attachment, it is important for a parent to be responsive to the child and not to ignore the child when he or she is distressed. So, without further ado, my next post will be a copy of the paper I submitted.

Three difficult turning points of my life

I recall three days of my life that were eventful and wonderful, but also caused me pain. The first was the day my brother was born and I was no longer an only child. The second was the day I got married. The third was the day our first son was born (yes, physical pain included). Each time I gained a new family member I couldn't (and wouldn't) want to imagine life without.

However, each time I also felt like part of my individuality was carved out of me as I gained the titles of sister, wife and mother. The fact that I could be seen as another person's appendage (Ryan's wife or Paul's mother) didn't bother me. What did bother me was that each relationship was brand new for me and I felt like my personal identity was getting lost in my new relationships.

Also, you know how, when a baby is born, admirers like to determine from which side of the family the child has inherited the most physical traits? Actually, I heard once that babies are born to look very similar to their fathers, in order to assuage any questions that the child is his, but how true that is, I don't know. Anyway, especially for my own children, I prefer not to engage in the speculation. I see each of my boys as a unique individual and I remind myself that it is okay if, unlike Paul, Martin decides to put things in his mouth when he gets older. On the other hand, while I hope for Paul's sake that he grows to a good height, I tell myself that it is not the end of the world if Martin surpasses him (which, at this rate, it looks like he very well might).

While I was growing up, I would get irritated when an adult would inform me I looked just like my mother. I would prefer to be told I looked a lot like my father, because at least my father and I are of different genders so it was guaranteed I couldn't be EXACTLY like him. I don't want to feel like I am a clone of another person. The next time you try to compliment a child on how he or she resembles a parent and you don't get an enthusiastic response, that could be why.

I also didn't appreciate being called a little girl. While physically true, it is a term that minimizes a person's importance. Children want to rush through childhood because they want to be treated as important as adults. Babies don't worry about it, because they don't understand. However, babies also receive a lot of attention and exclamations of praise for every little thing they do. That can be quite difficult for an older sibling who, not only doesn't get the same amount of attention, but is still treated in a disparaging manner.

Little girl, sister, wife, mother. These are all terms that do (or did) apply to me, without (I feel) really describing who I am. However, I also think that as we find things that interest us and develop our abilities within those areas, we can be proud of our personal accomplishments without feeling like our relationships dictate who we are.

As a side note, this is partly why I am opposed to cloning. We can duplicate genes, but we understand that both genetics and environment contribute to a personality. If you clone an individual where the clone has a different way of thinking, then you are forcing a person into a mold that doesn't fit. It also can decimate feelings of self-worth, because the clone would have no logical reason to believe that he or she is a unique individual. Yes, we have benefited greatly from magnificent people of the past, but give the upcoming generations a chance to share their own unique insights that can be as, if not more, beneficial than what we have already learned.

Peter and Evynne Hollens and Lindsey Stirling

Please forgive me for taking so long to post again. It's been several weeks for a few reasons.

First, we attended the Battle of the Nations in Warsaw, Poland, with our D&D friends. We attended on the 3rd of May, where we watched 1 vs. 1 fights, jousting, all vs. all and a fire show. We missed most of the 5 vs. 5 fights.
Here is a YouTube video taken on the 1st of May of an all vs. all fight. 

The following Wednesday, the two boys and I flew home from Warsaw to the United States, but we were stuck in Newark, NJ overnight, arriving home the following evening. It has been a busy week since then.

In the meantime, I've started participating on Pinterest, thanks to the recommendation of my mother. While looking up pictures for the video game, Skyrim, I came across a video done by Peter Hollens and Lindsey Stirling:

I immediately fell in love with this video. The only instrument is Lindsey's violin. The rest is a cappella by Peter, the lyrics along with the background vocals. I love the theme of Skyrim, but this video did a great job with vocals, instrument and cinematography.

Peter Hollens has also done a cappella work with his wife, Evynne. Here is a video of them performing The Prayer:

I love seeing collaboration on projects by a husband and wife team and Peter and Evynne certainly perform well together.

In the meantime, Lindsey Stirling has done other videos as well. Here is one where she performs Silent Night in Salt Lake City:

I don't know about you, but I love music videos. You are likely to see future posts featuring more.