Attachment Behavior: The Causes and Manifestations of Secure and Insecure Attachments

Attachment Behavior: The Causes and Manifestations of Secure and Insecure Attachments

In an effort to evaluate the relationship between infants and caregivers, researchers developed a laboratory method termed the “Strange Situation.” Using the Strange Situation, infants are introduced to strangers, separated from caregivers and reunited with caregivers. Infants were then classified into different attachment categories depending on their reactions to the strangers and to their caregivers (Berk, 2012, p. 266).

The term “attachment” refers to the intimate relationships between individuals and relationship partners. However, sometimes support by a relationship partner is unavailable or unsympathetic when needed. This can cause individual to start experiencing emotional troubles and self-doubt and develop attachment anxiety (Mikulincer, Shaver, Sapir-Lavid, & Avihou-Kanza, 2009, p. 615). In an appropriate relationship between mother and infant, the infant can rely on the mother for feelings of security. The infant then feels safe to explore the environment as long as the mother is nearby (Cicchetti, Rogosch & Toth, 2006, p. 624). The way a parent chooses to spend time with a child is less applicable in terms of attachment than general responsiveness and availability. Attachment can be predicted to a degree before the child is even born and attachment is evidently more a result of behavior than genetics (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 66).

In the Strange Situation, securely attached children may display some distress when the parent leaves and they exhibit positive reactions upon his or her return. When distressed, a secure child looks for comfort from the parent and is easily soothed by the parent. Secure children also expect caregivers to be responsive (Berk, 2012, p. 266).

There are three aspects that make up a secure attachment between an individual and a relationship partner: “(a) If one encounters an obstacle and/or becomes distressed, one can approach a relationship partner for help; (b) this partner will be available and supportive when one asks for support; and (c) one will experience relief and comfort as a result of proximity to this person” (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 615). Individuals who are securely attached can rely on receiving support from partners when they need it. They do not need to use defense mechanisms that can hurt themselves or their relationships with partners. They are optimistic about the reactions of partners, do not worry about being treated negatively, and are able to be open about intimate issues. Relationship partners in securely attached relationships enforce the idea that individuals are worthy of time and attention (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 616). Securely attached individuals cope more easily with stress and are more likely to look for alternatives to problems rather than focus only on possible negative results. These individuals are also more likely to notice positive behaviors about others and are more likely to forgive occasional errant behavior (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 631).

Sensitive parental responsiveness includes prompt response to a child’s distress and also being generally open to the attentions of the infant (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 66). Mothers of infants who are securely attached are also more likely to be sensitive to their children during play (Fuertes, Lopes-dos-Santos, Beeghly, & Tronick, 2009, p. 328). In addition, secure children are better able to interact with peers (Fagot, 1997, p. 490). It is possible that children who are securely attached will approach strange peers differently than children who did not develop a secure attachment and thus receive a more positive response. Secure children are also seen as less dependent. They are more likely to make friends and participate longer in group activities (Fagot, 1997, p. 497).

Unlike securely attached children, children who are described as having an avoidant attachment generally treat the parent and the stranger in the same fashion as seen in the Strange Situation. They do not display positive reactions when the mother returns and they are not likely to cling (Berk, 2012, p. 267). Infants with avoidant attachments not only treat caregivers with no more warmth than a stranger, but also initially avoid them at a time of reunion (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 66). Research has shown that mothers of these infants do not provide a comforting touch, are often angry, and intrude upon the infant without regard for the infant’s need. These infants have learned to manage their distress by not displaying it and instead focusing on nearby objects, though they may remain anxious. They also stay away from anything that may heighten their distress, since they understand that a comforting touch will not be available to them to lessen that distress (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 67). Insecure-avoidant infants are more likely to close their eyes, mouth objects or look away from their mothers while their mothers are associating with them. Mothers of infants who are classified as having avoidant attachments are more likely to display controlling behavior during play (Fuertes et al., 2009, p. 328). Avoidant children may also learn to withdraw as a result of being over stimulated at inappropriate times (Berk, 2012, p. 270).

When assessing the ability of children to overcome obstacles, Fagot (1997) observed that children with avoidant personalities “had fewer object struggles than did secure children.” In addition, girls with avoidant personalities have more trouble with classmates than girls with secure attachments. Avoidant children are more likely to use avoidance or act defensively in their interactions with others. However, even though avoidant children may remain withdrawn and struggle with personal relationships, they may still develop the ability to give favorable public presentations (p. 490).

Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is a condition given to those with avoidant attachments. People who are diagnosed with AvPD are more anxious about negative responses from others and experience lower levels of self-esteem. AvPD is closely related to social phobia (SP) (Eggum, Eisenberg, Spinrad, Valiente, Edwards, Kupfer, & Reiser, 2009, p. 815). Children with stronger behavioral inhibitions may be more likely to exhibit AvPD, because they are less likely to participate in novel activities (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 816). AvPD and SP are both related to negative emotionality, and fearfulness may be a cause of avoidant behavior. Depression and anger are also related to AvPD and SP, though it is unclear whether they are causes or results (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 819). In addition to low feelings of self-worth, AvPD has also been linked to strong feelings of pessimism (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 820). Individuals seeking emotional treatment, such as those with AvPD, usually reported being abused (whether physically or emotionally) and/or neglected during childhood. Avoidant individuals are also likely to have a combination of genetics and childhood environment that encouraged the disorder (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 832). Aspects related to shyness can be due to avoidant withdrawal, but they can also be the result of temperament (Eggum et al., 2009, p. 833).

People who develop avoidant attachment distrust the motives of their closest acquaintances and end up distancing themselves as a result (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 616). In addition, individuals who experience avoidant attachment are likely to extend their feelings of avoidance to their spouses, resulting in less marital commitment and more cases of infidelity. They have already learned to rely only upon themselves, thereby avoiding feelings of dependence on a partner that a healthy marriage requires (DeWall, Lambert, Slotter, Pond, Deckman, Finkel, Luchies, & Fincham, 2011, p. 1304). People with avoidant attachment display more positive attitudes about infidelity and also pay attention to attractive alternatives (DeWall et al., 2011, p. 1313). However, they do not seem to commit infidelity in order to hurt a partner. They simply seem to lack the inhibition that people with secure attachments are more likely to have and follow in order to stay in happy relationships (DeWall et al., 2011, p. 1314).

Another form of attachment is resistant attachment. When describing resistant attachment as it relates to the Strange Situation, Berk (2012) asserts that resistant children do not feel safe leaving their mothers and may not be easily calmed. They often show angry, aggressive behavior (p. 267). Resistant children generally have unresponsive caregivers (Berk, 2012, p. 270). These infants also are more likely to displays behaviors such as crying, pushing or turning away while being held by their mothers. Mothers of infants who display resistant attachment are more likely to be unresponsive to their infants during play (Fuertes et al., 2009, p. 328). These mothers are also more likely to have lower levels of education (Fuertes et al., 2009, p. 327).

In evaluation resistant children in social settings, it is evident they are less likely to be approached by peers. They are also more likely to use coercive methods and may try to draw attention to themselves through clowning around or tattle telling. They are also less able than secure children to maintain relationships (Fagot, 1997, p. 490). Positive gestures from resistant and avoidant children are more likely to be met with negative gestures from other children. However, children of avoidant and resistant personalities will have different methods of interacting with peers (Fagot, 1997, p. 495). When Fagot evaluated the association between children and their peers, he learned that securely attached and insecurely attached children, even though their gestures may be similar, are likely to receive different responses from peers (Fagot, 1997, p. 495). However, secure attachment does not guarantee positive relationships with peers (Fagot, 1997, p. 496).

The last method of attachment listed by Berk (2012) in regards to the Strange Situation is disorganized/disoriented attachment. It is characterized by infants who “show confused, contradictory behaviors—for example, looking away while the parent is holding them or approaching the parent with flat, depressed emotion. Most display a dazed facial expression, and a few cry out unexpectedly after having calmed down or display odd, frozen postures” (p. 267). Disorganized attachment refers to attachment behavior where the behavior of the parent is unpredictable (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 67). Children who develop disorganized-disoriented attachments are likely to have caregivers who developed insecure attachments as children themselves with their own caregivers (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 625).

Aggressive behavior has been linked to disorganized attachment. Aggressive behavior is divided into two different categories: “oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and conduct disorder (CD).” ODD is generally a prerequisite to CD and often will be witnessed in children first. ODD includes behaviors of disobedience, backtalk and tantrums. CD includes behaviors such as arson, fighting and stealing (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 64). Children with aggressive temperaments are likely to raise their own children the same way they had been raised, often involving coercive behavior. Mothers of aggressive children are more likely to blame their children’s personalities for behavioral problems and less likely to recognize the problems in their own behavior (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 65). Both boys and girls with mothers who are hostile are more likely to exhibit aggressive behavior. Their mothers often do not live with a partner. Children with disorganized attachment patterns are likely to exhibit helpless or depressed behavior. (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 67). Unlike securely attached children who are surprised when caregivers are unresponsive, insecurely attached children (including those with disorganized attachments) do not even recognize a difference between responsive and unresponsive caregivers (Berk, 2012, p. 266).

Children with disorganized attachment are also likely to experience continued high levels of stress after being assessed, whereas avoidant children had intermediate levels of stress and secure children were relatively relaxed after assessment. In evaluating the parents of disorganized children, it is seen that over sixty percent of children of adolescent mothers have shown “disorganized attachment patterns” (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 68). It is likely that a child develops a disorganized attachment after failing in trying to establish a predictable relationship with his or her caregiver (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 69). Mothers of infants with disorganized attachment are also less likely to have a positive perspective regarding their infants’ temperaments (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 70) and children with disorganized attachment are likely to have been maltreated (Berk, 2012, p. 270).

About fifteen percent of disorganized infants come from middle-class two-parent families. However, in cases where mothers have depression, drink alcohol or are adolescent, the number of children with disorganized attachment climbs to over eighty percent. On the other hand, infants with physical disabilities are not more likely to attain a disorganized attachment pattern (Lyons-Ruth, 1996, p. 67).

Concerning insecure people in general, babies who are unable to form an intimate bond with an adult develop emotional problems. They are also less able to interpret facial expressions (Berk, 2012, p. 269). Insecure infants are likely to be held less affectionately and to be treated with resentment. Difficult babies and preterm babies with depressed mothers are more likely to develop insecure attachments (Berk, 2012, p. 271). Less-secure individuals are more likely to misunderstand caring behavior by partners and are more likely to magnify their own need, resulting in greater distress. They also see and dream about people needing support and relief from distress, but unable to find it (Mikulincer et. al, 2009, p. 631).

Proper care giving for a child involves providing for the child’s physical, emotional and educational needs. Children who are maltreated generally experience physical or emotional abuse (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 627). They are likely to develop mental and physical issues as they grow older. For this reason, it is important to intervene in cases where children have been maltreated (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 624). Therapists have been able to help mothers differentiate between their own childhood experiences from those the mothers have with their children. Therapists also helped mothers develop empathy with their infants (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 630). Mothers who had maltreated children are more likely to have experienced abuse and neglect in their own childhoods and are more likely to still be angry with their own mothers (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 635).

Two methods of intervention for maltreated infants dramatically increased the number of infants who were securely attached and greatly reduced the number of infants who experienced disorganized attachment (Cicchetti et al., 2006, pp. 638-639). The first method involved training the mother in child development, parenting, stress management and seeking out social support. The second method changed how negative mother-child models affected current relationships (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 625). Mothers with maltreated infants have less available family support and feel less competent as a parent. They also expressed ignorance in knowing how to raise a child (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 642). On the other hand, “infants who have been maltreated are highly likely to maintain disorganized/dis-oriented attachments in the absence of intensive efforts to improve the mother–child relationship and parenting” (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 644).

The study yielded positive results in the knowledge that mother-child relationships can be greatly improved. On the other hand, the study also displays sobering evidence that children with disorganized attachments are at great risk of maladaptive development if intervention does not occur (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 645). However, successful intervention likely relies on knowledgeable, experienced therapists (Cicchetti et al., 2006, p. 644).

Overall, secure attachments are more likely to persist than insecure attachments. In some cultures where mothers are quick to respond to the needs of the infant, avoidant attachment is nonexistent (Berk, 2012, p. 268). These studies explain the definitions and causes of various forms of attachment as well as outlining the benefits of secure attachment and difficulties of insecure attachments.

References

Berk, L. E. (2012). Infants and Children: Prenatal through middle childhood. (7^th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Cicchetti, D., Rogosch, F. A., & Toth, S. L. (2006). Fostering secure attachment in infants in maltreating families through preventive interventions. Development and Psychopathology, 18(3), 623-49. http://search.proquest.com/docview/201698289?accountid=8289

DeWall, C. N., Lambert, N. M., Slotter, E. B., Pond, R. S., Deckman, T., Finkel, E. J., Luchies, L. B., & Fincham, F. D. (2011). So far away from ones partner, yet so close to romantic alternatives: Avoidant attachment, interest in alternatives, and infidelity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101(6), 1302-1316. doi:10.1037/a0025497

Eggum, N. D., Eisenberg, N., Spinrad, T. L., Valiente, C., Edwards, A., Kupfer, A. S., & Reiser, M. (2009). Predictors of withdrawal: Possible precursors of avoidant personality disorder. Development and Psychopathology, 21(3), 815-38. doi:10.1017/S0954579409000443

Fagot, B. I. (1997). Attachment, parenting, and peer interactions of toddler children. Developmental Psychology, 33(3), 489-499. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.33.3.489

Fuertes, M., Lopes-dos-Santos, P., Beeghly, M., & Tronick, E. (2009). Infant coping and maternal interactive behavior predict attachment in a portuguese sample of healthy preterm infants. European Psychologist, 14(4), 320-331. doi:10.1027/1016-9040.14.4.320

Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P. R., Sapir-Lavid, Y., & Avihou-Kanza, N. (2009). What’s inside the minds of securely and insecurely attached people? The secure-base script and its associations with attachment-style dimensions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(4), 615-633. doi:10.1037/a0015649

Lyons-Ruth, K. (1996). Attachment relationships among children with aggressive behavior problems: The role of disorganized early attachment patterns. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(1), 64-73. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.64.1.64

Natural reactions as a parent

When our first son was born, my husband and I struggled with the idea of letting our child "cry it out." When he came home from the hospital, it was impossible for him to sleep at night. Looking back, I realize it may have been due to over-stimulation (too much noise and too many people) during the day, but whatever the reason, we ended up holding him much of the day and night simply so he would sleep.

There are some things that may come naturally to us, such as anger and the desire to hurt someone, which we must resist. However, there are other things (call it "instinct"), especially with parenting, that I think we do not give enough value. For example, consider the following list:

- Feeling apprehensive and a little sad as we drop our child off at school or with a babysitter


- Being unable to focus on anything around us when our child is crying


- Feeling pride and accomplishment as our child proudly shows off a new ability or piece of knowledge


- Wanting to hold and comfort our child when he or she is sad or hurt (i.e. distressed)


- The desire to brag about our child to others

- Feeling like no child can possibly be as good-looking/accomplished/well-behaved as our child


- Wanting to help our child achieve as much as possible


- The desire to smack anyone who hurts our child


- Feeling depressed and desiring to help when we hear about or witness another child who is suffering

We often hear (and even want) our children to "figure it out," or "learn to be independent." While independence certainly has its place, confidence and independence will come naturally as parents provide the support children need.

We also talk about independence when referring to women. Unfortunately, in today's society, "mother" is seen as no better than "servant," with the idea that those who can't do, have children. The role of "housewife" is a last resort and if you're a housewife, you must be unskilled; unable to achieve success in the professional world. At least, that is the perception.

As a side note, many women put off marriage as a result of this concept that school, work, professional success should come first. Once they decide they really do want to "chain" themselves with a spouse, they are of an age where it is often too late. They have lost a lot of their physical attraction, sometimes along with their ability and energy to bear and raise children. There is a great book on this idea called "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," by Lori Gottlieb, I'd highly recommend; not only for single women, but for married women as well. As a married woman, you come to better appreciate who you married.

First, let me just say that children and a happy family can be more rewarding than anything else that you can do. I realize this blog is about independence outside of motherhood, and it is important to still be your own person with talents you can expand, but I also realize that nothing is as important to me as my family, including my children.

Secondly, I strongly believe that the feelings we experience with our children should not be taken lightly. There is a reason we (as mothers) cannot hear anything else when our children cry. There is a reason why we hesitate to leave them with someone outside of the family. There is a reason why we want to run to them and comfort them when they are distressed (though yes, sometimes we also want to go stark-raving mad). You know, like the whole idea of "I can complain about my children, but if you dare say anything negative about them, I will punch your lights out"?

That being said, I felt quite vindicated as I wrote a literature review for my psychology class on infant and toddler development on attachment theory. It became quite evident that a child needs a secure attachment to a parent in order to become a well-adjusted individual. To develop a secure attachment, it is important for a parent to be responsive to the child and not to ignore the child when he or she is distressed. So, without further ado, my next post will be a copy of the paper I submitted.

Three difficult turning points of my life

I recall three days of my life that were eventful and wonderful, but also caused me pain. The first was the day my brother was born and I was no longer an only child. The second was the day I got married. The third was the day our first son was born (yes, physical pain included). Each time I gained a new family member I couldn't (and wouldn't) want to imagine life without.

However, each time I also felt like part of my individuality was carved out of me as I gained the titles of sister, wife and mother. The fact that I could be seen as another person's appendage (Ryan's wife or Paul's mother) didn't bother me. What did bother me was that each relationship was brand new for me and I felt like my personal identity was getting lost in my new relationships.

Also, you know how, when a baby is born, admirers like to determine from which side of the family the child has inherited the most physical traits? Actually, I heard once that babies are born to look very similar to their fathers, in order to assuage any questions that the child is his, but how true that is, I don't know. Anyway, especially for my own children, I prefer not to engage in the speculation. I see each of my boys as a unique individual and I remind myself that it is okay if, unlike Paul, Martin decides to put things in his mouth when he gets older. On the other hand, while I hope for Paul's sake that he grows to a good height, I tell myself that it is not the end of the world if Martin surpasses him (which, at this rate, it looks like he very well might).

While I was growing up, I would get irritated when an adult would inform me I looked just like my mother. I would prefer to be told I looked a lot like my father, because at least my father and I are of different genders so it was guaranteed I couldn't be EXACTLY like him. I don't want to feel like I am a clone of another person. The next time you try to compliment a child on how he or she resembles a parent and you don't get an enthusiastic response, that could be why.

I also didn't appreciate being called a little girl. While physically true, it is a term that minimizes a person's importance. Children want to rush through childhood because they want to be treated as important as adults. Babies don't worry about it, because they don't understand. However, babies also receive a lot of attention and exclamations of praise for every little thing they do. That can be quite difficult for an older sibling who, not only doesn't get the same amount of attention, but is still treated in a disparaging manner.

Little girl, sister, wife, mother. These are all terms that do (or did) apply to me, without (I feel) really describing who I am. However, I also think that as we find things that interest us and develop our abilities within those areas, we can be proud of our personal accomplishments without feeling like our relationships dictate who we are.

As a side note, this is partly why I am opposed to cloning. We can duplicate genes, but we understand that both genetics and environment contribute to a personality. If you clone an individual where the clone has a different way of thinking, then you are forcing a person into a mold that doesn't fit. It also can decimate feelings of self-worth, because the clone would have no logical reason to believe that he or she is a unique individual. Yes, we have benefited greatly from magnificent people of the past, but give the upcoming generations a chance to share their own unique insights that can be as, if not more, beneficial than what we have already learned.

Peter and Evynne Hollens and Lindsey Stirling

Please forgive me for taking so long to post again. It's been several weeks for a few reasons.

First, we attended the Battle of the Nations in Warsaw, Poland, with our D&D friends. We attended on the 3rd of May, where we watched 1 vs. 1 fights, jousting, all vs. all and a fire show. We missed most of the 5 vs. 5 fights.
Here is a YouTube video taken on the 1st of May of an all vs. all fight. 

The following Wednesday, the two boys and I flew home from Warsaw to the United States, but we were stuck in Newark, NJ overnight, arriving home the following evening. It has been a busy week since then.

In the meantime, I've started participating on Pinterest, thanks to the recommendation of my mother. While looking up pictures for the video game, Skyrim, I came across a video done by Peter Hollens and Lindsey Stirling:

I immediately fell in love with this video. The only instrument is Lindsey's violin. The rest is a cappella by Peter, the lyrics along with the background vocals. I love the theme of Skyrim, but this video did a great job with vocals, instrument and cinematography.

Peter Hollens has also done a cappella work with his wife, Evynne. Here is a video of them performing The Prayer:

I love seeing collaboration on projects by a husband and wife team and Peter and Evynne certainly perform well together.

In the meantime, Lindsey Stirling has done other videos as well. Here is one where she performs Silent Night in Salt Lake City:

I don't know about you, but I love music videos. You are likely to see future posts featuring more.

Love through need

How does familial love develop? When it comes to mothers, we hear a lot about hormones. We also hear about fatherly pride. But is that really all there is? In my opinion, familial love (husband-wife, brother-sister, parent-child) develops as a result of an interconnected relationship: need and selfless giving.

It is never more evident than with a newborn how much a human being relies completely on the selflessness of another person and it is through that practice of selflessness that a bond develops.

 
I have a son who is four years old and a son who is three months old and I think that the familial bond continues to grow over time as my husband and I care for them. They provide us with a lot of joy in their smiles, their voices and their hugs but love grows even before a child can return the favor of care with a smile.

However, both sons have had needs even before they were born. For nine months a mother has already given of her energy, figure and comfort to a strange child before that child is born. For years after the child is born, he or she will have many needs that must be fulfilled by family members. Even when the child is grown and independent, parents and other family members are frequently still consulted for advice, comfort and entertainment.


This, I think, is why parents are so crazy-protective and loving of their children. How much greater need is there than a child who relies on your care for years? How many sacrifices do parents and older siblings give up in order to help that child grow? How proud we are as parents when we see our children grow and become more capable individuals.

Everyone needs to be needed and we should recognize that we need others. It is through interaction and selfless service to our family members that the strongest bonds of familial love develop and it also brings us greater lasting satisfaction than anything we can do for ourselves.

This doesn't refer simply to physical needs, but it also applies to emotional needs. Every person has emotional needs, including the feeling of validation; the idea that what we think or feel matters. That is one important role of spouse or parent. Your family members need your reassurance that feelings and thoughts are important and not to be summarily dismissed. This goes both ways.

Why do I keep saying family? Because I am speaking of an intimate need, one that refers to physical and emotional care. I don't think it would be healthy to apply this perspective universally. We have friends and we should help our friends in an appropriate manner when possible, but it is also possible to become too intimate with and too reliant on friends.

On the other hand, I have also frequently used the word "parents." I understand that not everyone who helps raise a child is a biological parent. "Parent" can simply refer to any guardian who is primarily responsible for taking care of the child.

To summarize: familial bonds grow as we need and care for one another. Familial bonds are intimate and special, to be treated as something special. Our relationships with our friends are, and should be, different and separate than our relationships with our family.

What is Dungeons and Dragons (D&D)?

Think about little children and their favorite activities. Little girls often like to dress up or play house.

http://www.laurencasper.com/2010/04/19/just-little-girls-playing-house/

Little boys often like to be super heroes and fight bad guys.

Sadly, when we grow up we tend to lose connection with our imagination, though many adults still participate in theater, including improvisation. In theater, however, you cannot always choose your role. You usually play the character your director assigns to you.

http://www.highdesertcenterforthearts.com/Improv%20Theater%20group.htm

But what if you could pick what character you play and, not only that, but not be told what you have to do or say? You could let your imagination run wild and play the part of a wizard or ranger, such as with Gandalf or Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. You could BE the hero instead of reading about or watching one.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lord_of_the_Rings:_The_Return_of_the_King

That is where Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) comes in. D&D is a game, so it has its own rules. However, you get to choose what kind of person you'd like to play and you also get to decide how your character will behave. Participants will need access to the books particular to their game. The books detail rules for the chosen environment.

http://www.stargazersworld.com/category/legacy-dd/page/8/

First you pick your race. Do you want to play a tough orc, noble elf or an agile halfling?

http://cliffordbbowyer.com/index.html

Then you pick your class. Do you want to be a magic user or would you rather trust in your sword? More experienced players might be able to multi-class, receiving lesser/fewer abilities of multiple classes.

https://devcentral.f5.com/weblogs/macvittie/archive/2009/05/05/your-load-balancer-wants-to-take-a-level-of-fighter.aspx

You also pick your alignment. Are you going to have a generous character who thinks of nothing but looking out for others, or would you rather play a character who cares for no one but his or herself?

http://forum.level.ro/showthread.php?152223-Alignment-Test

You also roll dice and decide which of your stats (natural abilities) are going to benefit the most. Do you want to be really strong and hit things hard or do you want to be charismatic so everyone will like talking to you? Depending on your class and race, you also get to pick a variety of skills you think your party (you and the other players) will need. There are skills such a lock picking, riding, handling animals or performing.

http://www.wired.com/underwire/2008/02/first-look-at-n/

6-sided dice are necessary to get started in creating the character, since those dice determine your starting stats (strength, charisma, dexterity, etc.). Once you're ready to play, though, you will need a set of 7 dice to be used during combat, determining whether an attempted skill (such as lock picking) is successful, etc.

http://python2012.globalblogs.org/assignments/assignment-04-roll-the-dice/

This is all referring to table top gaming (unlike video gaming), and once characters are created and the dungeon master (DM) has an adventure ready, then everyone is set to go. Some games may include maps or figures to help illustrate the current scene. Then it's time to let your imagination go! While it is important to play your role as you originally determine (kind, mean, money-obsessed, vain), you are free to decide what you will say and what you will do.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabletop_role-playing_game

Every game has a DM who goes to the effort of creating/setting up the adventure for the players.  Each game also needs about three players at minimum. The DM decides when things happen (such as an ambush of five goblins or the boat runs up on some rocks and starts to sink) and also tells the players the results of player actions ("you hit the dragon"). He also creates npc's (non-player characters) to interact with the players. It's good to stay on the DM's good side, because he/she has the final say in every situation.

http://thedungeoneeringdad.blogspot.com/2012/02/dungeon-master-dog.html

While D&D started as a fantasy category, role playing has extended to many other categories, including sci-fi, western, anime, horror, modern, etc. Many favorite TV shows have been adapted to role-playing. These books will have adapted races, classes, etc., for that particular world.

http://uhaweb.hartford.edu/wnoell/SerenityRPG.html

Like many activities, some participants like to take things to extreme and it can create a bad name for the entire genre. Or publicity may distort actuality, giving the wrong impression. However, most D&D games are no more than a complex combination of a board game and improv. Just remember that your imagination is the limit and the way you play is completely up to you and the other participants.

http://www.meetup.com/bham-gamers/files/

City of the Dead, Cairo, Egypt

What comes to your mind when you hear the words, "City of the Dead?" Maybe a suburb of vampires or zombies?
While there are several places referred to as the "City of the Dead," I am specifically referring to Cairo, Egypt.

This photo of City of the Dead (Northern Cemetery) is courtesy of TripAdvisor

What's interesting about it besides the name? It is a cemetery inhabited by both living and dead.
 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/City_of_the_Dead_%28Cairo%29

The advantage of this necropolis is that there are mausoleums and other buildings for many of the tombs, providing shelter to those who need it.

http://www.touregypt.net/featurestories/city.htm

Some estimates have the number of living inhabitants in the City of the Dead to be around a million. Others say more or less.

This photo of City of the Dead (Northern Cemetery) is courtesy of TripAdvisor

Many Cairo citizens have actually found a place to take shelter and set up home (or shop) here in this huge cemetery.
Here you can see a glassblower at work.

This photo of City of the Dead (Northern Cemetery) is courtesy of TripAdvisor

Many have lived here for decades, and some have had family living here for generations.

 

http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/egypt/cairo-city-of-the-dead/

I have never been there and I doubt I will travel to Cairo any time soon, but I came across the subject in my geography book and thought it to be an interesting topic.

Blender, a free 3d modeling program

So I mentioned Blender on my first post, mostly because this is where I hope to start spending a lot more time when my time allows it. As the title of this post describes, Blender is a free program used for creating 3d models (or probably 2d ones as well if you really want that). 4d models, you ask? Don't press, you might encourage my sister to actually try it. I will include artwork other people have created using Blender throughout this post so that you can see how powerful Blender really is.

Kajimba
ProMotion Studios
Blender Render

This example came from the gallery at blender.org.

When I say free, I am not referring to a "trial" version or a "limited" free version. I am talking about the entire program itself, courtesy of the Blender Foundation team. As you will see from the link, they earn revenue elsewhere, allowing them to continue developing this program free of charge. For anyone who has any possible interest in creating 3d computer art, please check it out!

http://www.worldstart.com/download-blender/

When installing it, I would recommend getting the zip archive version rather than using the installer. I tried the installer, but it didn't seem to give me read-write access to the program unless I had administrator privileges. Why is that a problem? Because it is safer to have your default (at least in Windows) login as an account other than your administrator account. I will ask my husband one of these days to write a post specifically on how to make your computer more secure from viruses and other digital intruders.

http://www.blenderguru.com/winners-hall-of-fame

Anyway, once you've installed the program, you may find the interface to be counter-intuitive (again, especially if you're a Windows user). That's where I recommend finding very basic tutorials, such as Blender 3D: Noob to Pro. There is a lot there and don't feel like you need to read it all. Just do enough until you feel comfortable navigating most of the interface. There will still be a lot of hotkeys to learn, but those can wait.

http://www.blenderguru.com/winners-hall-of-fame

Once you have a basic feel for Blender, head over to Blender Guru. This is an excellent website maintained by a fellow named Andrew Price. He regularly puts up new tutorials and most of his tutorials list experience level (beginner, intermediate, advanced), the topic being taught (modeling, texturing, animation, etc.) and the length of each video. Even being comfortable with the interface, I find myself spending about 2-4 four minutes following along for each minute of video. One nice thing about his tutorials is that even though Andrew doesn't take time to tell you every button he's pressing, he has his version of Blender set up so that you can see the hotkeys he is using on the bottom-left side of the screen.

Andrew has also held competitions for Blender artists and you can see many amazing works of art. The sand castle and Christmas pug pictures came from there.

http://www.blenderguru.com/products

Finally, check out the movies done by the Blender Foundation. I purchased the DVDs for one of them, Sintel. The DVDs contain all the material and models used to create the movie. Here is Sintel in movie form. The length is 15 minutes.

Again, if you have any possible interest in digital 3d modeling, please be sure to check out Blender!

Preparing ahead for pancakes

There's a lot to do on a daily basis and, in my opinion, anything to help reduce and simplify the daily routine, the better.

Here in our apartment in Poland, we don't have our customary conveniences of a dryer, dishwasher or access to pancake mix. Also, I don't know about you, but I do not feel like cooking breakfast when I first get up (okay, I generally never feel like cooking, and I bake on rare occasion). On the other hand, I notice my family and I are more irritable when we have cereal instead of something with more substance like sausage, eggs or even pancakes.

So I started preparing ahead for pancakes. Maybe it is an idea that will do that little bit to ease some strain for others.

First, I take the dry ingredients of my favorite pancake recipe and put one recipe's worth into a single honey or peanut butter jar. The jars here are small and just the right size.

I then beat the egg, milk and oil I need in a large measuring cup (I rarely use it for measuring, because I hardly ever cook in metric).

Then the pre-mixed dry ingredients are poured in and everything is mixed together. Not only do I not have a large mixing bowl to clean, but I have a measuring cup with a spout, therefore no need for a cup just for scooping.

It's quick and by the time I'm done, I've dirtied a pan, a spatula, the large measuring cup, a fork, a spoon, the jar and a regular measuring cup for the milk and oil.
 

Starting from scratch, I would have used a mixing bowl, several measuring spoons, some more measuring cups and flour all over the place. That would be each time I made pancakes instead of just one day where I made a handful of dry batches.

Paul's favorite breakfast is pancakes, so it works out well.

My privilege of being a wife and mother

Welcome! Witam!


Don't get me wrong from the description of this blog. I love my family.
My husband, Ryan, is an International Relations graduate student at the University of Warsaw in Poland, courtesy of a Fulbright grant.

My son, Paul, is an intelligent four-year-old, who has picked up the basics of reading, quickly grasps spatial relationships, loves video games and makes us smile with his quirky comments and enthusiasm for new things.

Earlier this year, we were blessed with a new addition named Martin, who had the unique opportunity to be an American citizen born in Poland. He brings us joy in his smiles and by simply being cute.

And finally, here is a picture of me with Paul awhile back.

Part of the reason I set up this blog is that it frustrates me that, like many other mothers, it seems like my individual abilities and interests get lost in the public image of my relationship with my family. I also do not think I identify with the common perception of motherhood: cooking, cleaning, play dates, crafts, scrapbooking, etc. I would love to hear from mothers who feel the same way.

I do talk about my husband and sons a lot and I often share fun information from our recent history. However, I also like to share thoughts and artwork regarding psychology (my current major), computers, video games, Blender (a fantastic free 3d modeling program), fantasy novels, movies, RiverMyst (our family software company), current software projects, medicine, politics, crime, language and ideas I have to more easily organize time and items.

To get started, I would like to share my first unique 3d model render:

The logo was designed by my sister, Kirsti, and I learned to create a 3d version using a tutorial from Blender Guru.